Hello

This is my writings. I'm back after about 7 years of losing trust in writing, online or on paper. But i do continue to keep a daily, yearly journal. Recording all of what happens on each day. Only the positive ones, the negative, i learn that there is no point in dwelling about the past in writing. Just keeping it in my mind is sheer torture.

Thanks to Kak R or NJ, i decided that this is the signal that my subconscious is waiting for...that is to find an outlet for my musings...and just leave my mark somewhere...and to satisfy my urge to express in words...and to keep a part of THE Nur Syuhada, here.

That's why...i'm guessing this is sort of an intended 'Horcrux' somewhat (you may laugh, if you have read Harry Potter!)...as i feel i need to, keep a part of myself somewhere.

Tonight, i say that i shall put all of my personal studies and researches here. I learn all my favourite topics, delight in it, but i didn't write them down!

When i was 6 years old. Standard One. In Bangsar after ballet class. Wearing pink leotard and white skirt. In Bookazine on Jalan Telawi Lima (It was not as glitzy and pretentious like it looks now) beside Pizza Hut where i had a drink with the frothy cream on top (i think my mum mentioned it was Irish coffee or something, now it's not on their menu)...

Mum bought me a Garfield poster, with the cat representing each 12 western astrological signs, and some text on their characteristics. It's hanging on my door now. Sure, i didn't actually understand what it was but then i kept on reading it, re-reading it, and reading it. That's where i discovered that i am born of the Scorpio month. "Ohh, B is a Scorpion!" my parents exclaimed. What's the big deal? Apparently, scorpions are the 'menyengat' kind...other people too, said that.

I analysed the descriptions on the twelve signs.

Thereon, my interest in the occult ignited.

I started to read western astrology (which is, the kind that the majority of us knows today...Aries, Taurus, Gemini, etc. from those horoscope columns they put in papers). I tested it. It worked.

But don't get your interpretations hyped up. THE HOROSCOPES/PREDICTIONS DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Therefore, i do not believe in horoscope predictions about the future.

What captured my passion then? THE PERSONALITY TRAITS. It entices me. Arouses my curiosity.

I shall continue next time.

Regarding the working world, i am now anticipating a new responsibility that the boss is persistent in making me do it (after my plea to him to consider my lack of experience) and it shall start next week. He succeeded in making me agree to try the new responsibility. I do not want to discuss the details here, yet. *groan*

Fear?

I'd rather not think about it tonight and i shall go to work this week, and depend on my Companion and my inspirations to prevent me from fainting of anxiety.